


Esti mese

by BookwormRina



Category: VIXX
Genre: Hanahaki AU, M/M, also it's embarrassingly short, no more tags or it will spoil the whole fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-28 02:50:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12596476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookwormRina/pseuds/BookwormRina
Summary: Hongbin learns about Hanahaki Disease and lets Sanghyuk go.





	Esti mese

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leaderdino](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leaderdino/gifts).



> For my dear friend. Happy belated birthday and early Christmas. ^_^/
> 
> Also, this is supposed to be sad. Forgive me if it's not. I such at writing angst.

In hindsight, Hongbin should have done something the first time he saw the petals. He should have been smarter. Perhaps he should've told Hakyeon - the sweet Hakyeon, he always knew what to do. Always knew the best way to solve things. He should have told Hakyeon. Way sooner than he did.

 

It hurted Hongbin - it still hurts, just by thinking about it. All those petals, all those pretty, bloody flowers... just thinking of them made his throat hurt and his stomach sink.

 

Sanghyuk had always been way too cute - too cute for his own good. Not innocent, no - he was probably one of the evilest creatures that ever existed, Hongbin was sure of it, but the way he was laughing while torturing Taekwoon just lit the fucking room up. No one should be looking this cute.

 

*

 

He supposed, this was fate. He always thought he would die because of some idiocy his friends did - or maybe because of the cruelty of Sanghyuk. He never thought he _will_ die because of Sanghyuk. The petal he threw up was pretty, and white, probably one of a rose. Later he asked Wonshik what a white rose meant - Wonshik was surprisingly knowledgeable in flower languages. Maybe it was the fact that his best friend died of Hanahaki too, a few years earlier, before they met him. He remembered Wonshik telling the story, poor Hakyeon with his sensitive heart even cried and refused to let Wonshik go for the rest of the night. Sanghyuk never let Hakyeon live that one down.

 

His heart clenched at the thought of that. Sanghyuk. He felt the need to cough up another petal. It was scary, literally omitting his feelings... and with the meaning, that Wonshik shared with him, it became even more scarier.

 

_Secret... spiritual and innocent love... coming from the depths of one's soul..._

 

*

 

Hongbin has heard stories about Hanahaki Disease, of course. The death caused by the most beautiful feeling in the world. When you loved someone so much that you started to forget about yourself, your health, your hopes of being loved back. The flowers rooted on your broken, blackened heart, entwining it, clambering on your lungs until you started coughing, throwing up petals, colorful petals, then whole flowers, until they are covered with blood, until you are filled up with flowers and you can't throw up fast enough anymore, they are coming and coming and coming and you can't breathe any more. Hongbin has heard of lonely people found in their homes, all alone, lying on the ground, their mouth and neck and hands covered in blood, their home covered in colorful flowers. 

 

That's why he moved in with Taekwoon as soon as he could. 

 

Sanghyuk said it was probably a bad idea - up until then Hongbin had his own flat, where they could be touchy-freely as much as they could, where they didn't have to keep quiet during sex, and Hongbin knew that Sanghyuk bears with the new roommate badly - it's not that he hated Taekwoon, they came along pretty well - it's just that he didn't like the restrictions. He was never good with them.

 

And Hongbin also knew that he couldn't trust Sanghyuk with the whole mess, so he chose not to mention the Hanahaki to him.

 

That created secrecy and mistrust between them. Maybe that's why Sanghyuk decided to leave. It broke Hongbin's heart.

 

*

 

He never felt such a panic rushing over him like when Sanghyuk announced that he moves to Japan. He knew there were problems, of course - everyone could see the problems between them, but he didn't know the things were so bad. Anyways, Sanghyuk was free now, and he was left here, with his broken heart and the flowers blooming inside his chest. And with Sanghyuk not loving him the same way he did, there was no cure left.

 

He had to accept his own death.

 

*

 

After Hyuk left, Hongbin had immensely more free time, which he could now use to educate himself on the meaning of flowers, on nursing Hanahaki, on how to slow the dying process down. It was still only him and Taekwoon, he felt it would be selfish to ask for help from the others, and he was afraid words would reach Sanghyuk - he knew that Jaehwan, Wonshik and Hakyeon still talked to him. 

 

He went to the doctors with Taekwoon, listening almost numbly what the doctors recommended and tried to forget their pitiful gazes. Taekwoon went home after. Hongbin promised him to buy the necessary medication to ease the pain, to slow down the dying process. But the medicaments were only to buy a little more time.

 

As the days, weeks went by, Hongbin had to clean the apartment more and more often, and as the blossoms started arriving with blood, he had to come up with a more effective solution.

 

*

 

Taekwoon once asked Hongbin if he was doing the whole thing because of the guilt. Hongbin could only gape at him, but deep, deep inside they both knew it was the case. And they both knew that talking about feelings wasn't their cup of tea, they always silently agreed on that one. Maybe that's why moving in, carrying through the past months together were so easy for them - they understood each other without words. 

 

He knew Hakyeon would have forced him to talk about his feeling daily, and he knew that Wonshik couldn't make through losing another friend to _fucking flowers,_ and he knew that Jaehwan wouldn't know what to do with himself, aside from staring. And he needed peace. So, he was thankful for his roommate.

 

He was thankful for not having to die alone. 

 

He was stooping over the bathtub, the colorful petals, bright blossoms kept coming and he was scared. He spent the past weeks preparing himself to death, but then and there, in the cold bathroom, he was scared to die. He was hurt, he couldn't even breath, after a while blood was coming from everywhere. 

 

He was scared, and hurt, and broken, but at least he died with a friend supporting him even in his lowest. He died feeling loved.

 

And that was more he could have been asking for.

 

*

 

In hindsight, Hongbin should have done something the first time he saw the petals. He should have been smarter. Perhaps he should've told Hakyeon - the sweet Hakyeon, he always knew what to do. Always knew the best way to solve things. He should have told Hakyeon. Way sooner than he did.

 

It hurted Hongbin - it still hurts, just by thinking about it. All those petals, all those pretty, bloody flowers... just thinking of them made his throat hurt and his stomach sink.

 

Sanghyuk had always been way too cute - too cute for his own good. Not innocent, no - he was probably one of the evilest creatures that ever existed, Hongbin was sure of it, but the way he was laughing while torturing Taekwoon just lit the fucking room up. No one should be looking this cute.

 

Even at Taekwoon's funeral. He came back just for that, after the ceremony he flies right back to Japan, at least according to Wonshik. He himself hasn't talked to Sanghyuk ever since he left.

 

But he still looked cute, in his black coat and big baby blue scarf and eyes cried out.

 

Only then did he realize that he never really knew Sanghyuk. He didn't know Sanghyuk felt or what he thought. Their eyes met, and when it was time to leave, Sanghyuk quickly caught up to him.

 

"I heard that... it was you who was with him..."

 

Hongbin nodded. He couldn't look at Sanghyuk anymore without seeing the flowers Taekwoon coughed up. He wondered if he could ever forget the scene.

 

"So... it means you knew. You knew he was sick, and you didn't tell me." He sounded so offended Hongbin almost laughed.

 

"What could you have done?" He asked. There was no malice in his voice, only infinite tiredness.

 

"I... don't know. Search for the guy who broke hyung's heart and beat him up?" He offered. Hongbin knew he meant well, but it sounded so weak... his heart shattered, Sanghyuk was still a lost little boy sometimes.

 

"Hyukie... it was you..."

 

Sanghyuk's eyes widened.

 

"I... I... I have to go.... My flight...."

 

Hongbin nodded. He understood. And as Sanghyuk left with nervous steps, and shaking shoulders, he realized that probably from that moment he was terribly, irretrievably alone.

 


End file.
